September 2010 Archives

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My original plan was to just take a ton of photos today, my fortieth birthday, and then put up forty photos that told a story.  But then the story that happened today wasn't something I could photograph entirely.  You can see the beginning: I had yogurt and honey and coffee for breakfast while it was still dark and quiet out.  I made cinnamon rolls for the kids. 

Sophie got her finger slammed in the door and went to school with a bag of frozen peas on her hand.  Nate left without saying goodbye (we got a little crossways) and Alex went off to school.  I fed the fish.  I left out gluten free brownie mix so the kids could make me a birthday treat with their nanny after school, and I drove to work. 

While on the road, the nanny called in sick.  I worked a bit and got an email from my mom that my grandmother was in the hospital.  For lunch I went to get sushi at the grocery store with a few of my most favorite coworkers, and then worked till I had to leave to get the kids.  I only put my feet up on my desk for the photo.  I'm not really that lazy, usually. 

I picked up Willow.  Sophie had a playdate.  Willow and I made brownies.  I got my grandmother's room number from my mom so I could give her a call in the morning after she'd had a chance to rest. 

SG came over and made me dinner.  We decorated the brownies.  I made up with Nate.  Then when we were just about to sit down for supper, my mom called and I knew even before I picked up the phone that it was bad news. 

When we first moved from Texas to California over thirty years ago, my grandmother would always call when we were sitting down to have supper.  It was a funny family joke; my mom would walk into the dining room with the last dish and the phone would ring and we'd all laugh.  So I picked up and my mom told me that she was gone. 

I wanted to just go to my room and close the door and cry, but more than that I didn't want to tell the kids and have to talk about it yet.  So I sat down and we had a really nice supper and I didn't let on that I was crying.  I opened the gift from my brother and his family, wishing I could talk to him. 

I had more wine.

We had brownies and ice cream.  I realized that the dining room set in my house is the one my grandparents bought for my parents when they got married in 1965, so I took a photo of that poor old battered chair that I love. 

SG and I had a couple of Underbergs, and then he went home to study because school started last night and he's got a ton of stuff to do before tomorrow's class.  I walked him outside, kissed him goodbye, and looked at the moon and the huge palm tree next door for a few minutes before coming in. 

I had more wine, packed up the rest of the leftovers, and put the girls to bed. 

Then I told the boys about Tooty (that's what I called her) and they cried and I cried some more and then they went to sleep. 

And now I'm sitting up in a dark and quiet house, missing Tooty and feeling so very sad.  We were close my whole life and I was already missing her.  SG has an airline voucher and he immediately said I could have it and that he'd help watch the kids while I went home, even though I know he can't possibly fit it in with school and work.  She told me the last few times we talked that she was ready for this, but damn if I am.      
I've got about an hour left to be 39 and I'm sort of regretting how I always round up on my age.  I've been saying I'm forty for months.  Dumb, huh?  Sorta takes the punch out of it some.

Awhile back I slapped together a big list of things to do before tomorrow and then I didn't look at it.  I'm the type who loves to make a good To-Do List, and cross stuff off as I go, but I also will write something on my list after the fact, look at it for a sec, and then cross it off.  It feels just as good.  Time to check this and see how I did.

  1. Replace the windshield wipers on my van. Done!  I had help from a coworker to put the new ones on, one is the wrong size, and it's time to replace them again, but, still! Done!
  2. Get a twin lens reflex camera and make a contraption.  Not done.  I spent a lot of time looking for a camera in the Goodwill and Salvation Army stores around here, but no luck so far.  I need to get my eBay on and do this one.  BUT, SG did buy me a new underwater camera for my birthday while we were in Hawaii. 
  3. Try to scuba dive.  Almost done.  This was all set up; on the Tuesday we were there, I was going to go with SG in about four feet of water and breathe off the regulator and see how it went. If I did okay and didn't panic, I was going to try and get certified and so some really easy shallow diving.  Instead, on that Tuesday I dragged SG (stands for Scuba Guy, by the way) to Kaiser to have a really horrible coral scrape on his knee looked at.  A few hours later he'd had the spot on his knee cut open and drained, packed with gauze, and taped up.  So no water at all for him from Tuesday on, and we left on Friday.  SG was far more gracious about missing the rest of his diving time than I'd have been in his place.  But, who can get cranky in Hawaii, really?  We ended up at a pawn shop in Wailuku on a rainy day where SG bought me a ukulele (another) birthday gift.  And on Saturday, I learned a song.  Mahalos, everybody.  
  4. Figure out what the hell to do with my hair.  Done.  For now.  No more pink stripes.  No more super short. 
  5. Buy some art for the walls.  Done and done.  I got a Woody Guthrie poster and had it matted and framed.  Same with an Endless Summer movie poster for SG's house.
  6. Make some art for the walls.  Fail.  But I want to recreate this at my house.  You know, in my spare time.  
  7. Knit scarves for the children of mine who have requested them.  Nope.  They'd only lose them, I'm sure.
  8. Take and pass a statistics class.  Thinking about it lots doesn't count, so, No.
  9. Try the biscuits at babycakes.  Another fail.  Was headed there on our last day in New York for BlogHer '10, but there was a parade in the way.  We did recently find a new to us gluten free bread that is RAD.  I made SG BLTs for his birthday a couple of weeks ago, and he didn't even mind (much).  Course, I also made him a gf chocolate cake with bourbon chocolate frosting.  So that helped my cause.
  10. Purge, declutter and organize my house, one room at a time.  Progress was made. 
  11. Get a mammogram.  Done.  A couple of times.  And now I've got a baseline for my totally fine but wonky-looking results.
  12. Finish reading the Little House on the Prairie series to my girls.  In progress.  We've fallen off the wagon (sorry for the very weak pun).
  13. Ride on a skateboard without falling off for thirty seconds at medium speed.  Done.  Well, except for the whole "falling off" part, if you want to be all technical about it.
  14. Get my savings account up to two month's worth of expenses.  Yeah.  Well.  I could live on ten bucks for two months if I had to, right?
  15. Get rid of the crap in the garage.  D O N E.  by SG.  It's how I really know that he loves me.  It was a horrendous job, full of nasty surprises and black widow spiders.  I'm a very lucky girl.  
  16. See some snow.  Done.  Not as up close as I'd like, but Utah has snow on the mountains in June.  It's beautiful there.
  17. Sit on the beach with SG with nothing at all else to do but sit.  Done, emphasis on the nothing.  On one of the best days ever. 
  18. Get rid of all my ugly underpants.  (Wahhhh, but they are so comfortable!  So, not entirely.)
  19. Make Domo marshmallows for SG.  Done!  Ugly as sin, but made and eaten. 
  20. Take the kids to Texas again.  Not yet, but so high on the list of things I want to do.
  21. Take the kids to Portland.  Another not yet.
  22. Kiss Max's toes.  Done, YAY!  
  23. Change my last name back.  Done and almost done with the final changes.  This makes me super happy.
  24. Get a good collection of cloth napkins and ditch the paper stuff.  Getting there!  I got pretty ones, and don't want the kids to wreck them so we end up using paper more often than not.  Silly, I know. 
  25. Buy something from this designer.  Not done, but I have a bunch of stuff favorited and may get myself a birthday gift.  Maybe.
  26. Get a cover for my cell phone.  Did this one, which was harder than it sounds since they don't make them any more.  Helloooooo 2007 iPhone.  The cover I got for three bux is silicone or rubbery something and it sticks to my hair and pulls it out, one strand at a time.  So, no more cover.
  27. Stand up on a surfboard.  While on a wave.  In the ocean.  Nope.  The ocean?  It's big and powerful.  Me?  Out of shape.  This is still on, though.  I've got a reputation to live up to.
  28. Have a weekend away somewhere (not picky here) with SG.  Done!  Besides Hawaii, we had a fantastic weekend in San Luis Obispo.  We like it there.  Lots.  I'd love to stay here sometime.    
  29. Have a picnic with SG and the kids, where the kids make all the food.  Hahahaa.  Nope.  But, hey, last Saturday I did see Johnny Cash live.  How? you ask.  Here's how.  Close your eyes and it's him.  And they're way better sounding live.
  30. Send out holiday cards.  With photos.  Maybe this year?
  31. Clean out my clothes closet.  Close enough.  I'm super happy I didn't get rid of my gas station name tag mini skirt, though. 
  32. Get out of debt (not counting car payment).  Not done, but way closer than ten months ago.  I'm really not all that bad off at all -- less than a month's pay. 
  33. Convince the general public at least one person that saying two thousand ten is just better than saying twenty ten.  Eh.  I don't care anymore.  I guess that's my old lady perspective talking. 
  34. Have a weekend away just me just for me.  Abandoned.  I don't actually need this at the moment.  I did just spend three days in the hospital last week and that was more than enough.  I'm fine, just frustrated with having a grody autoimmune disorder.
  35. Deliver really good news to someone.  I'm sure I did this at least once.  I just can't remember the specifics.
  36. Hold a new baby and sniff its sweet little head.  I don't think I did this one, but I keep having baby dreams.  (No worries, the factory is closed.)
  37. Get back into the swing of yoga.  I pay a membership for the classes, but rarely get to go.  Am plotting two visits this week.
  38. Have dinner here again with old friends.  Another fail.  But - did go here with SG and his parents and it was lovely.
  39. Be proud of myself.  You know what?  I'm crossing this one off the list.  I've got a lot to be proud of, even if it's mostly not by traditional standards.  You know, things like how on Sunday I totally got hit on by an Italian dude in a white track suit at Cafe Trieste.  Then I spent a half hour listening to the Italian, Fausto, and his also-Italian friend talk currency and football (the soccer kind) with SG.  That and my mad up-and-coming ukulele skills.  I'm pretty damn proud of that.  
  40. Get healthy.  I am so working on this one.  Really. 

Partner since June 2006




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